Welcome to My Little Garden

Welcome to My Little Garden
Welcome to My Little Garden

About Me

Tropical Garden, Batu Caves, Malaysia
Gardening is part of my life and I want to share that portion of my zeal and joy with you. These are my thoughts, my experiences and life work. I hope it enrich and add value to you too.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Gaining your Mojo and the Orchid - Part 2

Notice the buds?
I lost all of them except one...

Continuing my story..
So... How did I gain back my Mojo?
There is no set rules of what works - for different people it's different.
One thing for sure -
You are going to become deaf to people who says to you:
to become strong, shake it off and stuff like that..
Once you are down.. fallen.. no one is going to sympathise with you.
(Simply because they will never going to understand how you are feeling)

So what is the best way to get on with life when everything looks bleak and hopeless?
Even if the last bloom gets eaten - how to carry on?

Well - its Perception.
Its a big picture - once getting that part right - everything else falls into place.
(Yeah - I can go into purpose of life and finding out the meaning of life and stuff like that..)
The first thing first - getting rid of the pain really is important..

When depression hits hard - everything of other pain magnifies.
I started to have unbearable backache..
constant diarrhea..
Feeling like someone is watching over - stalking (not in a good way)
Unbearable to handle with noise - children or crowd.
And every lack of mood and interest to do anything...

Even prayer is helpless..
Because you even feel God had abandoned you.
(like God is deaf and blind - cannot hear your cries & see your suffering)

So what to do?
Wait.. just wait..
Don't do anything.. Get lazy..
I had worn out the depression by waiting and when it just got a little better.

I started checking my trigger factors.
I found that I also started to have OCD
I needed my home to be clean and neat..
I had neglected my garden and it took months for me to reset all of it.

But no one cleans the house and its all my work and it took a toll on me when I'm the only one who does the cleaning and the whole household chores and my family is not supportive in keeping the house clean.

I realised that I'm not going to have any expectation or putting pressure over them in keeping the house clean. But - I need the home to be clean.
There is always a middle ground.
(I'm not a spotless cleaning home freak - all I'm asking was a tidy and neat house which I can get myself into and call it a home)

Then I also realised that a terrible messy home somehow upsets me so badly that it disengages me totally..
The rats came in..
It had urinated and collected garbage underneath the sofa and cabinet and its a horrible sight to behold.

I suddenly realised - when a home is messy - it attracts unclean and foul spirits.
The rats came in during that specific season and starting to make it nest inside the house - biting off food and stuff and needed constant cleaning.

I now realise that depression is not just a state of mind but its also link to a spiritual expect too.
Mine started with trigger factors:

1) Accusations - Words
Hurtful words said against you by your loved ones or people you care a lot only to find that they had used you, and never understand your intention and choose to be sharp, sarcastic and wicked.

2) Condemnation - Feeling of Unworthiness
When your loved ones don't understand or accept you.
And you are feeling condemned - no matter how much you explain - its not going to change their mind.
3) Judgement - The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back 
A fact to give up because its just doesn't matter anymore because no matter what you do or try - it amounts to nothing because you are already been condemned.

So - How did I battle this?
I will share it in my next post.

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